Date Conversation
If you’ve ever met a girl, flirted with her and eventually asked her out on a date it’s almost certain that you’ve probably wondered what your date conversation would be like. As a matter of fact, if you’re like most guys you probably have had the dreaded experience of an especially bad first date where you can think of anything to say, the conversation went nowhere and your time together was filled with awkward silences.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Part of the issue is that when you’re nervous, distress mix it difficult to think clearly and see options that are available. How to effectively deal with your nervousness is the subject for another article, but one way is to prepare and have some solid ideas about first how to approach conversation with your dates in general and secondly some specific topics that you know you can fall back on.
I like to think that there are two main aims in carrying on a conversation when you first meet somebody, especially on a first date. One is to exchange information and get to know each other better and the other is to entertain.
Unfortunately, it’s all too easy to go wrong with both of these conversational purposes. Ideally the conversation flows smoothly, easily and naturally with the deepening of mutual knowledge and entertainment occurring simultaneously.
A major mistake is to have the conversation seemed more like an interview than a friendly chat. People like to talk but nobody likes to be interrogated.
Another mistake is to try too hard on the entertainment part. This can show up as talking too quickly, laughing nervously or struggling to tell dumb jokes.
It’s difficult to give advice about having a good sense of humor. The main thing is to aim for being good-humored not straining to be funny-ha-ha-always-telling-a-joke kind of funny. You want to be somebody that’s fun to be with not some way that’s always “on” and performing.
One of the best strategies for conversation on your first few dates is to give the woman your with opportunities to talk about herself. It’s almost a truism that the best conversationalist a more interested in hearing what other people have to say than in talking themselves.
I’ll suggest some specific topics in a moment, but in general ask open-ended questions that need explanations rather than questions that can be answered with a yes or no. As a simple example, “What’s your favorite type of restaurant?” is more likely to lead to an ongoing conversation then “Do you like Italian food?”
Why you should answer questions about yourself as a come up and express your opinions appropriately, try to gently steer the conversation back to giving her the opportunity to talk about herself as soon as you can.
Having given you that general advice here are some specific conversation topic you can keep in mind. I’m giving you these as questions but again work them into a normal conversation and expand on them naturally. Avoid asking a series of one apparently unrelated question after another.
What’s the most fun thing you’ve done in the last year?
Who’s had the most positive influence on you in your life so far?
What your favorite season? Why? Would you like to have it all the time? A similar question is: “What’s your favorite holiday?”
What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
When you family talks about you, what are they most proud of?
What’s your favorite memory of your family?
What your favorite way to spend a day off by yourself? With friends? With a lover?
I could go on, but I think you get the idea. When you just getting to know a woman you want to keep things light at the same time get a sense of who they are, what their values are and what they like. I like to keep questions on the positive side. For example: “What do you like most about this city?” Not “What bugs you most about this city?”
As you get to know someone better you can use questions to gather more intimate personal information. “Have you ever been in love?” “What’s your definition of happiness?” “Of success?”
I believe that developing you conversational skills is one of the best things you can do to increase you comfort level in dealing with woman. Being more comfortable will automatically make you more successful. Not only that, but conversational skill will help you in other aspects of your life – everything from family reunions to critical job interviews.
